Ready or Not
by the writer formerlyknown as lm
Summary: Let me be all moody and depressed for a moment, please. I've just made a startling discovery. [Remus returns Sirius's feelings. MWPP. Complete.]


Yay for cliches!

This is practically ripped from every Remus/Sirius story I've ever read, with all my own little twists. Part one is _Waiting a Long Time_, part two is _If I Get There_, part three is_ So Much Closer_ and this is part four (the finale). Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed!

Beta'd by **Vaughn**. (I'm stalking her now.)

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**Part Four: Ready or Not**

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Remus had hoped that he would be able to sneak back into Gryffindor tower unnoticed after his tryst with Sirius.

"Is someone there?" a voice asked. Remus held his breath._ He can't see you_, he thought._You're invisible under the cloak._

_"Get up." _

_"Why, Sirius?"_

_"Because I said so. I want to show you something, dimwit."_

"Remus? Sirius?" the voice continued approaching, and in the dim common room window's light, Remus could make out the shape of his small friend.

"It's me, Peter." Remus pulled off the cloak and smiled in what he hoped was a non-threatening way. Peter's form untensed, and his shoulders fell.

"I'm so glad you're okay! I woke up and you and Sirius weren't in bed. I tried to wake James up, but he said Sirius was just trying to convince you to shag him, somewhere."

"Don't joke about that," Remus reprimanded Peter.

"Where is Sirius, anyway? _Was he_ trying to shag you?"

"No! He was showing me celestial stuff. You know I like that."

"Well, of course _I_ know that. But I'm your best friend." Peter took a seat on the couch and flicked on the fire. "I don't know how Sirius knew that."

"I don't know how Sirius knew that, either." Remus joined his friend and sighed. "I guess he remembered that story from first year, remember? About my mum. She liked constellations."

"Hmmm...So where is Padfoot?"

"That's the question, isn't it? He ran off as a dog. He went into the Forest."

Peter's eyes widened. "Why would he do that?"

"I've no clue." Remus looked down at James's cloak and patted it absentmindedly.

"He did try to shag you then."

"He kissed me. A boy. Kissed. Me."

"Well, don't sound so surprised. You know he likes you, and you just go running off with him in the middle of the night. 'Sure, take me wherever you want, Seary, I've got no reason to think you won't rape me.'"

"It wasn't like that." Remus shook his head and closed his eyes. "It just happened. He was just messing around. Licking me, like he does with you and James, too. And then he kissed me."

"So...he kissed you, realized what he'd done, got embarrassed and ran off as Padfoot?"

"No...not like that." Remus shook his head again. "I think---I may've instigated the kiss." Remus opened his eyes. "I think that's what freaked him out."

Peter scooted to the very edge of the couch, as far away from Remus as possible. "So you're a poof, too, then?"

"No! No, I'm not. I just---I don't think so."

"You're not, Remus." Peter spoke forcibly. "You are not a poof. You are a normal human being---"

Remus glared.

"On most levels, I mean. On personal levels. You like girls. You kiss girls. Girls are good. Repeat after me, Remus, 'Girls are Good.'"

"Girls are good."

"What the hell is up with all the poofs around here? Is there something in the water? How can anyone not like girls! If I looked like Sirius, I mean, I'd shag every pretty girl in school, not waste my affections on a little, scrawny, pale kid. No offense."

"None taken."

"I mean, Sirius is good-looking. If you like handsome. And strong. And _dashing_. All that. With the hair and the eyes..."

"He _is_ good-looking."

"See, that was a test and you failed. You're supposed to say, 'I don't judge boys, Peter, girls are good.' Need we go over the lesson again?"

"He told me he thought I was dashing." Remus began to rub the cloak again, this time with the appearance of more malicious intent. "What do you think that means, Peter?"

"That he's a poof."

"I'm serious."

"As am I."

"Why did you wake up, Wormtail?" Remus looked up at his friend, changing the subject.

"I don't know. I just did. And you were both gone. Me and my naivety assumed that you were off planning a prank, not rolling around in a passionate heap on the school grounds."

"That's not quite what happened," Remus chuckled.

"Ah, see, but tomorrow James is going to want all the details. And I'm going to give him lots of details."

"Figure that if he's terrified of Padfoot he may move you up in the ranks to the position of _best_ best friend?"

"One can hope."

After sharing a good laugh, Remus said something that made Peter think twice.

"What if James kissed you?"

"What?"

"I'm just wondering. What if he told you that he found you dashing, that he wanted to pursue a romantic relationship with you. What if he stuck his tongue in your mouth. Would you do anything?"

"Yeah, ask McGonagall to put me in another dorm. Why, Remus? You don't like Sirius that way."

"Girls are good."

"Now you're understanding things my way. I should sell Pettigrew tapes through the Prophet. I could make a fortune. 'If you think you're a poof, Pettigrew will set you straight.' It's a little pun-y."

"And pun-y rhymes with funny."

"That's what I was going for."

"Yeah, I knew that."

"So...why did you instigate the kiss?"

"So we're getting back to that."

"We had to, eventually."

"I don't know..."

"What?"

"He _likes_ me, Peter."

"And...?"

"Even though he knows. He's the only person in the world who would ever...who hasn't..."

"So you like the idea of being with someone who's not affected by your 'problem,' but you don't like him?"

"No!"

"So you like him?"

"No!"

"So you don't like him?"

"No! I mean, I don't not like him."

"That sounds you like him."

"Hmmm..."

"Girls are good."

"But he _doesn't _care."

"So you're a poof, then?"

"I'm not saying that. I'm just saying I don't understand how someone could know about me and not care. Could still have a crush on me. It doesn't make sense."

"Because you're that wonderful. You can't realize things like that." Sirius was walking towards the boys and Peter flinched.

"Don't say things like that, it's scary."

Sirius looked like he'd had a rough night. His hair was matted with dirt and large black circles were finding sanctuary under his eyes. He frowned at Peter's fearful face. "You mean you think it's disgusting and unnatural."

Peter flushed and became embarrassed as he often did in front of Sirius and James. He spoke with a bit less fervor."Well, it _is_. Unnatural, I mean."

"It is. I hate myself." Sirius plopped down on the couch, and the boys scooted over to give him more room. "Sorry about earlier, Moony. I keep trying to make it go away. I swear. I keep trying."

"I believe you, Padfoot." Remus sighed. "There's just so much I don't understand about all this."

"I'm gonna leave now." Peter stood up quickly. "It might be contagious."

"It might be." Sirius waved his friend off as he ran back to bed.

"I don't know why I kissed you." Remus spoke in a sudden rush. "I guess it's just nice to be accepted."

"See, and it's things like that that make me like you."

"What do you mean?"

"Before I get a chance to say how much I fucked up, you go and say it first."

"Oh. Is that a bad thing?"

"I just said I liked it, didn't I?"

"But isn't that a bad thing?"

"I guess so." Sirius sighed and looked down at his feet. He began to scrap mud off the bottom of his boot. "I made a list, you know. Of reasons why I shouldn't like you."

"Really? Come up with anything at all?"

"Yep. Loads." Sirius faced Remus again. "But then I'd just dismiss them. Like, I put you being a werewolf as one. But then I was like, it doesn't really bother me, as I can turn into a dog and hang with him then. So then I thought of the fact that you read a lot. That bothers me, actually. But at the same time, I kind of like it. You always have something to say because of all those books. And then I thought of you being so shy. I like that, too. You only talk to people you really care about. Me included. That makes me feel special. But you're also super nice. That's a good thing, too, because I'm often not very nice and I decided that that could even me out."

"So, really, nothing about me bothers you?"

"Well, yes. I came up with one solid argument against you."

"What's that?"

"You let your food touch."

"You're serious?"

"I always am. But quite so now. That's disgusting. Expecially when it's chocolate touching meat or something."

"You should be happy that I eat at all."

"True."

"And besides, I hate when you do that."

"What? Eat?"

"No, say 'expecially.' It's 'especially.'"

"Is there a difference?"

"To me there is."

"You're a Scot, you don't know anything."

"We can't do this anymore, Padfoot."

"I'm sorry. I didn't know you were touchy about your heritage."

"No, I meant talk. In general. It's just trouble for both of us."

"Why?"

"Because when we talk you scoot closer and closer to me...You just put your hand on my leg when you talked about me being a Scot, did you notice?"

"Oh. I guess I hadn't."

"We can't do that. Peter's right, this is unnatural."

"You said you liked that I didn't care about the werewolf thing."

"I do. I don't get it, but it's nice. It gives me hope that someday a girl will feel that way..."

Remus trailed off as he noticed a strange light coming over Sirius's face. It was almost as if a thought had just struck him.

"You're lying." Sirius's voice had a certain tone.

"Am not."

Sirius plunged forward and kissed Remus hard.

"What the hell are you doing?" Remus asked when Sirius pulled away.

"I'm kissing you, moron."

"What a lovely sentiment. You always sway the ladies with those terms of endearment?"

"I like you."

"I know this. Everyone should know it, the way you go on about it."

"Yes, yes. Wormy and Jimbo are everyone. But what you're forgetting is that no one knows the little thing that you, too, are a poofter."

"Am not."

"You're lying again."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because..." And then Sirius kissed Remus again, and Remus began to kiss back subtly. Sirius pulled back with a look of achievement upon his face.

"That means nothing." Remus was growing red and blushing. Sirius didn't seem to hear him.

"Yay! Moony is like me! He likes boys, too! Aren't they ever more entertaining than girls?"

_"Shut up!"_

"Make me." Sirius was elated.

"I don't like boys." Remus was offput. "I don't even like _a_ boy, let alone all of them."

"Me."

"I don't like you."

"You think I wouldn't know if you didn't like me. I am very good at telling when birds like me, and you're so much easier to read than they are. The way your eyes expanded when I touched your leg like this---"

"Stop that!"

"This is the most wonderful feeling in the world, Remus. You like me, too."

"No, I don't!" Remus stood up and shrieked, affronted. "What makes you so sure that I like you, anyway? Just because girls fall over you doesn't mean I'm going to! I don't work that way."

"I know you don't. You work more quietly. I know everything there is to know about you, Remus. Even what your subconscious knows. And I know that you don't use words without meaning them."

"What the hell are you going on about?"

"It's just trouble for both of us."

"What? This whole ordeal? It is."

"Why? Why is it trouble for you?"

"What?"

"You said this was trouble for both of us."

"What are you rambling about? I forgot that you speak a foreign language most of the time." Remus rolled his shoulders casually, but was actually starting to feel nervous. When Sirius began going on in that voice, saying things that Remus didn't understand, it usually meant that he was on the border of an ingenious discovery.

"What's the trouble in this for us, Remus, and since when does it bother you when I touch you?"

"Since I found out you wanted to shag me!"

"Not even since then. But since our kiss, well, this makes you all weird." Sirius's fingers grazed Remus's arm, and Remus moved out of the way and growled. Literally. "Do you have any idea what you're doing?" Sirius was smiling like this whole situation was a hilarious comedy.

"You don't _care_, Sirius."

"I know."

"But I'm---" Remus sat back on the couch. "I'm a monster and you _don't_ care."

"Yep."

"But you're a _boy_."

Sirius glanced at his crotch. "Yep."

"How did this happen?"

"I'm wondering the same thing. Perhaps no one can resist Sirius Black. Perhaps my godawful family put some wonderful charm on me that makes me get everything I want. Besides being able to leave home, of course."

Sirius kissed Remus again.

"Stop that," Remus said against Sirius's lips.

"But you _like_ me," Sirius answered and pulled back, grinning.

"I think we've established that I'm a _gay werewolf_." Remus put his head in his hands and leaned against the table in front of him for support. Sirius wrapped his arms around him.

"This is great, Moony." Sirius kissed him on the cheek.

"Let me be all moody and depressed for a moment, please." Remus's muffled voice escaped the hollow of his hands. "I've just made a damn startling discovery."

"That you like me, too. Sorry, but I just like the sound of it." Sirius chuckled.

"So that's why I kissed you."

"Yep." Sirius kissed Remus at that and Remus pulled away, blushing.

"I feel like I'm gonna cry."

"Do that. Yeah, it'll help you not be a poof."

"Or vomit."

"That doesn't help either." Sirius shook his head knowingly. "But I'm sorry if I'm a bit, well, happy. I've had almost a year to dwell on how wonderful you are, how very gay I am, and how I'll never be with you and now...you like me, too."

"I can't believe you realized I liked you before I did."

"Yes, well. I'll be the perceptive one." Sirius removed his arms from Remus, and Remus peeked through his fingers at his friend. "I'm wired up. How about a game of Exploding Snap?"

"You're joking."

"Nope.

"I've just made a life-altering discovery and you're suggesting _Exploding Snap_?"

"So we've established you can hear? Brilliant!"

Remus curled his lips in shock, but Sirius just kissed him very quickly.

"You know how those Slytherins beat up Fabian and made the word 'Poof' appear on all his clothes?"

"Oh, God. Yes." Remus's stomach fell. "They're gonna do that to us, aren't they?"

"I don't plan on shagging in front of Snivellus. I was just saying that we'll be more careful than that. Though the horrific look on his face would be quite..."

"No. We're not shagging, ever."

"A lifetime of celibacy, interesting." Sirius stroked his chin. "Moony must elaborate."

"I'm still a virgin, Sirius."

"Well, I must confess that my past experiences with sex weren't exactly pleasant. But I won't condone this abstinence you have professed interest in. Perhaps we'll settle that issue when we get to it?"

"All right, if it's a long, long time from now. I'm still not sure I like boys."

Sirius kissed Remus, this time allowing the kiss to deepen until Remus was left breathless.

"So," Remus coughed, blushing. "What should I say in the note to my mum?"

**THE END**


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